Starting the climb (Friday Fictioneers)

Image by John Nixon at http://www.thesupercargo.com/

Image by John Nixon at http://www.thesupercargo.com/

‘Hurry, scurry!’ she says impatiently.

Her toes grip either side of the trunk and she pulls up onto the next branch.

She’ll say that to me one hundred and fifty-three times. As we ride our bikes along the pier in the rain, as I clamber through her window on a warm Tuesday night, as I leaf through the menu at La Petite Castille, as I muddle my words down on one shaky knee, as I work out the meaning of two lines versus one.

‘Hurry, scurry!’

But for now, she simply wants me to climb the tree.

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Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochout elle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/28-march-2014/

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Want to read more from Jessie Ansons? Check my post on the search for the perfect Una-don called It’s a moray: My love for Japanese eel.

58 Comments

Filed under Friday Fictioneers

58 responses to “Starting the climb (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. A lovely little piece, the repetition works well and I love the last line.

  2. MrBinks

    Love the way this flows. Top, top stuff.

  3. This is a novel way to present it, throwing a projection ahead in time. I like the image of him down on one shaky knee. She’s not the patient type, perhaps, but hopefully she’s the loving type.

  4. Nicely written, with a lifetime yet to happen in so few words.

  5. I liked the style of this – very original. Well done.

  6. Jessie, you gave two telling vignettes of two very different people in on these few words. Nicely done!!

    janet

  7. I loved the repetition, weaving other stories into this one, great job 🙂

  8. those trees look like a challenge to climb…

  9. Jessie, I found this inspired piece quite touching and beautiful. Love the images of some salient moments in the narrator’s future and the way they have been projected in time.

  10. camgal

    Definitely a lovely, gentle piece. haha loved the hurry, scurry 🙂

  11. Dear Jessie, I love this story – the promise of the future together, and “Hurry scurry” is so wonderful! You are such a clever writer! Thanks, Nan 🙂

  12. Got some characters in there. Poetic, too. Very nice!

  13. I agree with Ken, you have some characters here. I would keep them in mind.

  14. Fresh and charming. I really like it.

  15. Sweet story, and brilliantly written.

  16. The flow is brilliant. Nicely done! 🙂

  17. I really like the energy here.. the hurry scurry.. a certain intensity that is enchanting… and I wonder where it will end.

  18. Well done Jessie, i like the rhythms you create in the longer paragraph, plus that sense of urgency of ‘hurry scurry’. Enjoyed this a lot.

  19. Dear Jessie,

    I could see these two girls. Good friends with very different personalities. Done with charm and wit. I enjoyed.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle
    (Rochout elle?)

    • They are meant to be lovers (down on one knee proposing, and two lines means pregnant) but I like how you saw something different. Also, I only just discovered today what you meant by ‘Rochout elle’ when I copied the blurb for this week’s FF. Haha! I wonder how that happened?

  20. Pleasant story. It looks like they’ll get along just fine, and there’ll be a happy ending for both. Well done.

  21. Dee

    Love the feel of this Jessie and the glimpse into their future. Well done.
    Dee

  22. Very sweet. The repetition does work and the imagery is clear. Super little story.

  23. Lovely little piece of life!

  24. That’s really poetic and so full of hope.

  25. Two adventurers that were made for each other or the beginnings of a timeless tale involving a nagging wife and a hen-pecked husband? Whatever happens in the end, I like the snapshot of how it all began. Nicely handled.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  26. Lovely. Interesting to wonder how their life together maps out…

  27. Nice twist on the picture. Love Hurry Scurry.

  28. That was ever so cute. I really liked it. Lucy

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