‘Hurry, scurry!’ she says impatiently.
Her toes grip either side of the trunk and she pulls up onto the next branch.
She’ll say that to me one hundred and fifty-three times. As we ride our bikes along the pier in the rain, as I clamber through her window on a warm Tuesday night, as I leaf through the menu at La Petite Castille, as I muddle my words down on one shaky knee, as I work out the meaning of two lines versus one.
But for now, she simply wants me to climb the tree.
Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochout elle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/28-march-2014/
Want to read more from Jessie Ansons? Check my post on the search for the perfect Una-don called It’s a moray: My love for Japanese eel.
58 responses to “Starting the climb (Friday Fictioneers)”
A lovely little piece, the repetition works well and I love the last line.
Thanks for reading. Glad the repetition worked 🙂
Love the way this flows. Top, top stuff.
Thank you Mr Binks!
This is a novel way to present it, throwing a projection ahead in time. I like the image of him down on one shaky knee. She’s not the patient type, perhaps, but hopefully she’s the loving type.
She’s the fire while he cools it down. They’re the best types of relationships I think! I was trying out ‘future tense’ here, something I only discovered recently.
Nicely written, with a lifetime yet to happen in so few words.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
I liked the style of this – very original. Well done.
Jessie, you gave two telling vignettes of two very different people in on these few words. Nicely done!!
Thanks Janet. Glad I was able to get their different personalities across in just 100 words.
I loved the repetition, weaving other stories into this one, great job 🙂
Thanks Helen, glad you liked it!
those trees look like a challenge to climb…
Aren’t they always? But they are also the most rewarding.
Jessie, I found this inspired piece quite touching and beautiful. Love the images of some salient moments in the narrator’s future and the way they have been projected in time.
Thanks Di! I thought I’d play around with ‘future tense’ a little following our discussion the other night.
Definitely a lovely, gentle piece. haha loved the hurry, scurry 🙂
I’m glad you liked it and sensed the gentleness.
Dear Jessie, I love this story – the promise of the future together, and “Hurry scurry” is so wonderful! You are such a clever writer! Thanks, Nan 🙂
Thanks Nan for the lovely words!
Got some characters in there. Poetic, too. Very nice!
Thanks for reading! I was feeling poetic when I wrote it.
I agree with Ken, you have some characters here. I would keep them in mind.
It’s a love story that certainly has more to be told. Thanks!
Fresh and charming. I really like it.
Thanks for the lovely feedback.
Sweet story, and brilliantly written.
Glad you liked it!
The flow is brilliant. Nicely done! 🙂
I really like the energy here.. the hurry scurry.. a certain intensity that is enchanting… and I wonder where it will end.
I considered taking it right up to their death beds but I couldn’t think of a time you’d use ‘hurry scurry’ at the end of someone’s life!
Well done Jessie, i like the rhythms you create in the longer paragraph, plus that sense of urgency of ‘hurry scurry’. Enjoyed this a lot.
Thanks for the lovely comments once again.
I could see these two girls. Good friends with very different personalities. Done with charm and wit. I enjoyed.
They are meant to be lovers (down on one knee proposing, and two lines means pregnant) but I like how you saw something different. Also, I only just discovered today what you meant by ‘Rochout elle’ when I copied the blurb for this week’s FF. Haha! I wonder how that happened?
Pleasant story. It looks like they’ll get along just fine, and there’ll be a happy ending for both. Well done.
Thanks Patricia. Glad you liked it.
Love the feel of this Jessie and the glimpse into their future. Well done.
Thanks Dee, I thought I’d play with future tense for this piece.
Very sweet. The repetition does work and the imagery is clear. Super little story.
Thanks for the read!
Lovely little piece of life!
Glad you liked it 🙂
That’s really poetic and so full of hope.
Two adventurers that were made for each other or the beginnings of a timeless tale involving a nagging wife and a hen-pecked husband? Whatever happens in the end, I like the snapshot of how it all began. Nicely handled.
All my best,
Thanks, I love your summary! Could be either, but I hope it’s the first one…
Lovely. Interesting to wonder how their life together maps out…
Thanks for reading! PS I love the name Freya and the name of your blog 🙂
You’re welcome, and thank you on both counts, Jessie!
Nice twist on the picture. Love Hurry Scurry.
That was ever so cute. I really liked it. Lucy
Thanks Lucy for reading!