The one-way walk (Friday Fictioneers)

Image

Image by Adam Ickes at http://adamickes.wordpress.com/

Click-a-clack. Click-a-clack. Click-a-clack.

That’s the sound 3-inch stiletto heels make on a boardwalk.

Click-a-clack.

Her body is hidden under the loose pants and man’s jacket. From a distance you wouldn’t know she’d dressed up.

Click-a-clack. Click-a-clack.

But he always had a thing for heels.

Click-a-clack. Click-

She stops at the end of the boardwalk and peers over the edge.

Waits.

Ka-plonk.

That’s the sound 3-inch stiletto heels make when dropped into water.

Her face is covered by sunglasses. From a distance you wouldn’t know she’d been crying.

Silently, she turns and walks back to the shore.

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Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/7-march-2014/

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Want to read more from Jessie Ansons? Check out my recent blog post about how my husband proposed: The greatest of all marriage proposals

67 Comments

Filed under Friday Fictioneers

67 responses to “The one-way walk (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. Dear Jessie,

    Sight and sound…well done. Ka-plonk means closure. I enjoyed.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. MrBinks

    Loved the sounds in this 🙂

  3. Well-written story. The sound of the heels definitly adds to the effect.

  4. Great story. Felt almost like I was there.

  5. Very poignant, Jessie. I could hear her walking.

    janet

  6. Jessie,
    this is a story written for a blind man, with so much attention to sounds. 🙂 I feel bad for her though. Did she throw the heels in or drop them in accidentally? I’m guessing she threw them in, but I could see it either way.
    -David

    • Thanks David! The answer to your question is completely up to the reader to determine. Likewise the reason why she is on the boardwalk and has been crying… so I’ll leave it with you to decide 🙂

  7. The repetition in this was totally effective. Very well done.

  8. Dee

    I could hear her walking, with the click-clack on the boardwalk. i love heels but the noise can get on you nerves on some surfaces.
    Well done Jessie, the ka-plonk was particularly apt as an end to the relationship.
    Dee

  9. I feel that the structure you’ve used here is very effective. Very well done.

  10. Well done Jessie good use of sounds, I did enjoy the ending….

  11. Silently, she turns and walks back to the shore.
    I heard that!

  12. Diana Threlfo

    An emotive piece cleverly construed with effective sensory details. Well done Jessie.

  13. Love the way you used the shoes to signify the end of something, Jessie. I’m dying to know what colour they are so I have a clue to their relationship. I picture red.

  14. Mysterious but somehow satisfying. Enjoyable read.

  15. Fascinating expertly crafted story. You truly felt the person’s angst!

  16. scrbwly

    too bad the heels ended in the water. and that she was crying, and seeming to rid herself of memories of him, amiright?

  17. Why do I think that the man’s jacket she’s wearing is supposed to mislead any observers into thinking the person she was meeting is the one leaving on the boardwalk when actually, she’s done him in because he discarded her and therefore the tears? Good story with lots of interpretations.

  18. I loved the contrast from the sound of her heels at the start to the silent walk at the end, like the peace that follows the trauma of acting on a major decision. Well told.

  19. The onomatopoeia make this piece. The repeated Click-a-clack ending with the Ka-plunk. Good use of the device.

  20. One can easily visualise this story. Beautiful!

  21. This would make a suspenseful opening to a mystery or other novel. We don’t know why she’s slinging those click-a-clacks. We could jump to the conclusion that her crying’s somehow connected with the shoes. I like to think that. Stiletto heels and tears – nice juxtaposition.

  22. Nice! A lot of creativity here. She’ll have to retaliate with a stiletto to the forehead of the offender for the next prompt 🙂

  23. The sounds here make the story. That ka-plonk should be cathartic for our heroine. I hope more comfortable footwear and a happily ever after are in her future.

    MG

  24. What a clever and creative use of onomatopoeia Jessie-loved that it was a one way walk and she decided to “let go” of some painful memories with that “ka-plonk” 😀

  25. Jessie, what a great job of stringing the sound and movement along, and thus, pulling your readers into the story. I love that I imagined her going to meet a lover, only to hear the sound of that relationship ending. Ka-plonk! Well done!

  26. Sun

    a one-way walk with so many possibilities…good one!

  27. I think she stabbed him with a heel (stab, stab), stole his clothes, shoved the body under the boardwalk and is now disposing of the murder weapon. Lots of mystery here.

  28. Intriguing! Loved the sound the 3 inch stiletto heels made nicely done Jessie!

  29. I like how this is so sensory! Well done!

  30. Great story Jessie – Love the noise on the boardwalk as she’s walking! Nan

  31. Pingback: Why I didn’t tell you about this right away – White Ribbon Day 2014 | Jessie Ansons

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