‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’
Her voice was shaky, hoarse. I could tell she had been crying, even from the other side of the world.
‘There’s just one thing that’ll change my mind. And I’m only going to say it once…’
I pressed the phone tightly to my ear.
A tractor passed laboriously through town, right in front of my eyes. Its diesel engine choked and grumbled as it pushed the rusty machine over the cobblestones. The rattling trailer was overloaded with bales of dry brittle hay, balanced precariously.
‘…so what’s it going to be?’
Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://wp.me/p2FKsi-wY
59 responses to “Balanced, precariously (Friday Fictioneers)”
Good one Jessie, well done, of course you have left me hanging you realise.
Thank you! An open ending was the easier option with only 100 words…!
Yes I understand but makes your readers scream out for resolution…..but good for you, you left us wanting more.
Now he has a dilemma doesn’t he? Does he ask her what she just said before the tractor interrupted or think fast? Good one.
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I don’t know if anyone has warned you but this is one of the most addictive activities I’ve ever been involved in. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I’m very excited to be here! I love the concept of so many people from around the world writing from the same prompt.
Great to see you on Friday Fictioneers, Jessie. Oh, how I feel for him! Couldn’t he explain what happened and get her to repeat it. Then tell us!
Thanks Karen! I’m glad you introduced me to this. I have a feeling it’s going to be lots of fun!
Nicely done 🙂
Great to see you here Jessie. A good take on the prompt this week, I like your open ending but now I’m worried what was missed…
Thanks Dee! Look forward to reading some of yours too!
Love your first Friday Fictioneers submission, Jessie. Ultimatums! Perhaps he’s better off without her and fate intervened.
You’re thinking along the same lines as me Di 🙂
Well I guess that settles it. It’s over. It’s a million to one (or worse) odds he guesses what she said.
True. Although my husband reckons I’m very predictable in arguments and could probably guess my demands!
So I think he should say “I’ll do whatever you want…” And then just keep his fingers crossed. 🙂 What an original way to end the piece. Nice one.
Thanks Sandra. That could be getting himself into a lot if trouble!
AnElephant just loves this!
Great timing, it left me smiling. 🙂
Thanks, glad I could make you smile!
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, Jessica. That was a very good story. Well done. That would really be a problem. He has to think fast.
Thanks for the welcome! I like to believe in fate and maybe the world is trying to tell him something… I’m glad different readers have felt different things at the end.
Welcome to the madhouse, Jessie. Love your initial story. I’m still laughing.
Great Janet! Glad it had that response. Thanks for reading!
What an exercise in suspense!
Beautifully linked with the prompt. Well done and thanks for the follow on twitter, I reciprocated in kind.
Thanks Charles. I’m thrilled that you’ve had a look around my blog too.
Ooh nice one for your first 🙂 welcome and hope to read more from you.
Thanks. I enjoyed putting it together! I love this little community I’ve found.
Great to hear 🙂
Oh, Sh!t. Very clever, darling.
Wow I could feel her heart fall into her stomach! Excellent storytelling here!
Thanks Riya! Glad you were right there with her.
Great take on this! She’ll dump him and tell her friends he never listened to her
My guess is the one thing that could change her mind was if he agreed to pay the long distance phone bill.
Ha! That’s funny!
Love how the two stories come together…in frustration. Good one!
That’s awful. How IS he going to respond? I’ll be thinking about this for a while.
Maybe the tractor answered for him? Thanks for the read!
Aaaah, that was so frustrating!! Which means your story hit the mark rather splendidly
Thank you! It’s hard to balance an open ending sometimes, so I’m glad I got it right.
A wonderful post!
I almost used the lady in the picture but ran out of words!
What perfectly imperfect timing. There’s no right thing for him to say. Well crafted, a good take on the prompt.
Argh-how inopportune for both of them-star-crossed lovers?A great debut entry Jessie,loved it and welcome to the family:-)
Thanks! I’m enjoying being here 🙂
Welcome to Friday Fictoneers, Jessie! 🙂 This is quite an interesting tale you wove here. Poor guy, I feel really bad for him, if his relationship ends, he’ll probably curse tractors for the rest of his life!I really hope it works out for him 🙂
Haha, he’ll need to stay away from agricultural fairs forever. Thanks for the read!
Argh!! No, you cannot do that! Finish the tale. Back up, rewind
Haha, thanks for the read and sorry I left you hanging!
Honesty is the best policy, but how many of us take the honest route. It would be better to say “Can you hear me now?” or something more clever. This is a very interesting fork in the road. Thanks, Nan
Thanks for the read! Of course, that’s assuming he wants the relationship to continue… maybe the tractor is the best thing that’s ever happened to him…?
A real cliffhanger! Those precariously balanced bales are a great metaphor for the precariously balanced relationship. Well done. You are clearly good at suspense. Ann (fellow Newcastletonian)
Thanks Ann! Glad to meet another local!
Local in that I’m from near Newcastle Upon Tyne in the north of England, originally. Now live in the south. Distantly local! Ann
Exquisite use of the form. Really making the brevity work for you.
Thank you! I’ve always enjoyed brevity, so this is meant for me!