Braking point (Friday Fictioneers)

‘You moronic piece of @#$%! My beautiful bike. She’s ruined forever!’

‘Ummm…’

‘It’s like you were trying to run me over!’

‘Ummm… Maybe I was driving a tad fast.’

‘A tad? A tad! Idiot!’

‘Ummm… sorry?’

‘The brakes are completely messed up! The gears are everywhere. That chain’ll never go back on. How the hell am I getting to Vegas now?’

Windows down, they sped along the I-15 towards Nevada. Eloise let her hair blow wildly across her face as she struggled to hide her smile. She’d never liked that rusty old thing and the brakes hadn’t worked for years.

*********

Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle each week where writers from around the world post 100 word stories based on a common photo prompt. For more information, and to read other stories, visit Rochelle’s page here.

47 Comments

Filed under Friday Fictioneers, Uncategorized

47 responses to “Braking point (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. Dear Jessie,

    That’s one way to get a new car. 😉 At least, that’s what I think just happened. Clever title and dialogue.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Clever story well told, although, unlike our exalted leader, I thought she just took advantage of the situation to be driven to her destination in style

  3. margaret jackson

    love this Jess — very clever — well done

  4. michael1148humphris

    Like your twist on the prompt. She must be smiling all the way to Vegas.

  5. Hey, if I had my “druthers” I would go to Vegas regardless. I loved the rant with the bike. Great dialogue, Jessie.

    Five out of five flying Elvis’s. “Thang-ya verrah muhtch.”

  6. Well Jessie I see the opinions are all over the place and I am interested to hear your explanation. I think she is trying to get him or her to travel with her, but it is just a guess. either way I ditto the comment of wmcolby about the dialogue.

    • Thank you Joe! I had intended it one way, but these alternate responses make it rather interesting. I’m going to leave it ‘open’ and up to you with whatever you think it should be 🙂

  7. Clever girl! And she likes to live dangerously.

  8. Haha had the driver fooled, and the reader. Nice twist, well done.

  9. Like Sandra, I think she is a clever girl! Looks like she got to Vegas in way better style! Now what happens there…. 😉

  10. Sounds like her plan came together nicely!

  11. Great turnaround of fortunes. Sly girl.

  12. Ha, that’s one hell of a way to hitch a ride, biking to Vegas sounds like a true ordeal…

  13. I’m with CE in my take on this, but regardless, a wonderfully told story! Clever and fun; really enjoyed it.

  14. I definitely see this as the start of some kind of romcom. Rewind 20 years and I see it starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.
    By the way, Hugh Jackman was a local growing up and one of my friends had a mega crush on the guy and I remember her going Hugh spotting on the trains after school. That was before stalking got such a bad rap. Loads of teenage girls would’ve been locked behind bars spotting Hugh back in the day.
    BTW, Eloise is a favorite character name of mine. It does conjure a Nicole Kidman kind of glamour and spirit to me.
    xx Rowena

    • Glad you liked it! Yes, I can see a longer piece here too. Jay and Eloise are two characters I’m developing for a longer piece… you’ll see them appear quite regularly in my stories 🙂

  15. I really enjoyed the twist at the end. She’s more clever than we first thought!

  16. I was thinking these same thoughts as I braked hard on my bike yesterday to avoid my husband as he braked hard for God only knows what. Anyway, I was left sprawled in the road swearing. In my opinion, there was no need to make my day worse by going to Vegas. Ha ha I can say that, I’m a Northern Nevadan. Smart girl btw.
    Tracey

  17. She is a smart girl, knows how to make the best of a situation

  18. She did well not damaging herself as well as the bike. Clever girl, clever story.

  19. Well she knows how to make the most of every opportunity doesn’t she?

  20. Fun story. I smiled right along with her 🙂

  21. Great con. “The breaks hadn’t worked in years.”

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