‘You moronic piece of @#$%! My beautiful bike. She’s ruined forever!’
‘It’s like you were trying to run me over!’
‘Ummm… Maybe I was driving a tad fast.’
‘A tad? A tad! Idiot!’
‘The brakes are completely messed up! The gears are everywhere. That chain’ll never go back on. How the hell am I getting to Vegas now?’
Windows down, they sped along the I-15 towards Nevada. Eloise let her hair blow wildly across her face as she struggled to hide her smile. She’d never liked that rusty old thing and the brakes hadn’t worked for years.Follow @jessieansons
Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle each week where writers from around the world post 100 word stories based on a common photo prompt. For more information, and to read other stories, visit Rochelle’s page here.
47 responses to “Braking point (Friday Fictioneers)”
That’s one way to get a new car. 😉 At least, that’s what I think just happened. Clever title and dialogue.
Thanks Rochelle! That one way to look at it – take the whole car! Maybe she’s much more clever than I originally intended…
Clever story well told, although, unlike our exalted leader, I thought she just took advantage of the situation to be driven to her destination in style
That’s more what I was thinking 🙂 but she’s a crafty girl so I wouldn’t put it past her.
love this Jess — very clever — well done
Like your twist on the prompt. She must be smiling all the way to Vegas.
She sure is 🙂 Thank you!
Hey, if I had my “druthers” I would go to Vegas regardless. I loved the rant with the bike. Great dialogue, Jessie.
Five out of five flying Elvis’s. “Thang-ya verrah muhtch.”
And thang-ya too 🙂
Well Jessie I see the opinions are all over the place and I am interested to hear your explanation. I think she is trying to get him or her to travel with her, but it is just a guess. either way I ditto the comment of wmcolby about the dialogue.
Thank you Joe! I had intended it one way, but these alternate responses make it rather interesting. I’m going to leave it ‘open’ and up to you with whatever you think it should be 🙂
Clever girl! And she likes to live dangerously.
She sure does 🙂
Haha had the driver fooled, and the reader. Nice twist, well done.
Thank you! Glad I was able to fool both ways 🙂
Like Sandra, I think she is a clever girl! Looks like she got to Vegas in way better style! Now what happens there…. 😉
Haha, very true.
Sounds like her plan came together nicely!
It sure did. Thanks for stopping by!
Great turnaround of fortunes. Sly girl.
Thanks Julie 🙂
Ha, that’s one hell of a way to hitch a ride, biking to Vegas sounds like a true ordeal…
Oh it sure does! I did a bit of research before writing this to see if it was even possible… and it didn’t look like much fun!
I’m with CE in my take on this, but regardless, a wonderfully told story! Clever and fun; really enjoyed it.
Thanks Dawn 🙂
I definitely see this as the start of some kind of romcom. Rewind 20 years and I see it starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.
By the way, Hugh Jackman was a local growing up and one of my friends had a mega crush on the guy and I remember her going Hugh spotting on the trains after school. That was before stalking got such a bad rap. Loads of teenage girls would’ve been locked behind bars spotting Hugh back in the day.
BTW, Eloise is a favorite character name of mine. It does conjure a Nicole Kidman kind of glamour and spirit to me.
Glad you liked it! Yes, I can see a longer piece here too. Jay and Eloise are two characters I’m developing for a longer piece… you’ll see them appear quite regularly in my stories 🙂
I really enjoyed the twist at the end. She’s more clever than we first thought!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
I was thinking these same thoughts as I braked hard on my bike yesterday to avoid my husband as he braked hard for God only knows what. Anyway, I was left sprawled in the road swearing. In my opinion, there was no need to make my day worse by going to Vegas. Ha ha I can say that, I’m a Northern Nevadan. Smart girl btw.
Oh no!! Glad to hear you survived a nasty crash like that. Hope you got something better than a trip to Vegas for your troubles!
She is a smart girl, knows how to make the best of a situation
Let’s say an opportunist 🙂
She did well not damaging herself as well as the bike. Clever girl, clever story.
Thank you 🙂
Well she knows how to make the most of every opportunity doesn’t she?
She sure does 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
Fun story. I smiled right along with her 🙂
Glad I could make you smile Dawn!
She sounds like a schemer!
She sure is 🙂
Great con. “The breaks hadn’t worked in years.”
I had to throw that bit in 😉