Hidden in the darkness above the lights and perched on a dusty beam he watches her perform. She throws her body across the wooden floor: the passion, the pain, the sorrow of lost love.
Next to him sits a little grey mouse.
They wait for the audience to leave.
Then, the mouse scurries along the beam and hops to the floor, hoping to find something to eat.
He swings down too, hoping to catch her before she leaves. Hoping to tell her how he feels.
Hoping to find dropped food.
Hoping to find lost love.
But they find neither.
Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/28-march-2014/
Want to read more from Jessie Ansons? Check my post on our recent trip to Singapore called Is travelling with a baby difficult? Not necessarily…
64 responses to “The darkness above the lights (Friday Fictioneers)”
The bleak side of a performer. For all those who find success there are thousands who don’t. Well done.
Thanks for your comment and for another fabulous prompt this week. I started back at work this week after being home with my baby for 8 months and I’m working Mon-Wed, so Wednesday is my Friday and perfect for Friday Fictioneers!
Good one Jessie, there is a sense of hope in this story, maybe unfounded but hope none the less.
I’m glad you felt the hope. The man and the mouse will no doubt try again the next night.
Love it Jessie, the title drew me in when I should be doing other things, its lyrical and poetic and poignant!!:)Sal
I’m glad you liked it but sorry it distracted you from more important things!
A poignant tale of mice and men. Well done Jessie.
Thanks Sandra. I love the summary you gave it 🙂
I could see this happening. Well, maybe not where I work, but …
Thanks for this, Jessie.
Thanks for the read! And how sure are you that there’s not some star-crossed lover hiding above and watching you work?
Then she better show herself PDQ!
Sad ending, although I like the juxtaposition of him and mouse, each looking for something but not finding it.
Thanks for reading! I guess we’re all searching for something we never find, aren’t we?
Aww, the evil dragon creature pines for love 😉
He sure does 🙂 Thanks for reading!
The title was just right to draw me into the story and the parallels you set up in the story worked, too. I felt the sadness.
Thanks Janet. I’m glad you felt what I was trying to portray.
Searching for a morsel; a good story of a starving artist.
Beautifully summarised Dawn. Thanks for reading!
I felt the heartbreak in your story. Lovely and sad, Jessie!
Thanks Lisa. Glad you could feel it!
I found him a bit creepy to begin with, hiding there above her, but then in space of 100 words you turned it round and I felt sorry for him.
Thanks, I like stories where a character is misunderstood at first and I’m glad you felt the change.
I see a lot of love and desire in this piece – good job
Thanks, glad you liked it!
Love it… The Phatom of the Light Set!
Thank you! Glad you saw the Phantom parallels too 🙂
Good story with description that paints a definite word picture. Sad but with a ray of hope perhaps.
Sad, yes, but I too believe there is some hope.
Very intriguing story. It taps into the pain that comes from one-sided relationships…When you care so deeply for someone and they barely acknowledge your existence. Very clever title as well!
Thank you for reading my story!
I felt a Phantom of the Opera vibe here that was very strong and heart-breaking. Very effective story.
Thanks Perry! Yes, the photo looked very Phantom to me.
Well done. Bleak, haunting, searching.
Beautiful description Shandra, thanks for reading!
Great build up and then… the hammer of the last sentence. Awesome.
Thanks BrainRants! I always try to make that last sentence the killer.
The little grey mouse could be a metaphor for the male character’s spirit. The mouse wants crumbs while he yearns for all the passion and love of which the actress is capable to satisfy him. The irony though, is that he is the one in the dark whilst she is in the light below but apparently quite oblivious. Some deep layering here, so well done Jessie.
Thanks Di for the wonderful summary! Glad you picked up on the irony of dark and light, and who is above whom.
Lovely piece. I sense a musical coming on. Who shall we cast as the mouse?
Haha, thanks Patrick.
You really captured their position outside of the performance world, only descending when everyone is gone. I hope they have better luck tomorrow night!
Thanks Siobhan, and I’m glad you felt they would try again the next night 🙂 Hope!
An aching tale of unrequited love. Like the writing style as well. It suits the atmosphere of the story
Thank you for reading!
Nice, and an interesting structure, with the alternate sentences for mouse and man. I enjoyed this.
Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Poignant ending, very nicely done.
Thank you for the read!
The mood you’ve created here is tangible, and poignant. Nicely written, Jessie.
Thanks for reading!
Great take on the prompt Jessie, liked your comparison of the needs of mice and men…
Thanks for the read, Di. Glad you liked it!
You made something really creepy sound sweet… Fantastic! 🙂
Thanks Riya, glad I was able to portray him as sweet 🙂
Jessie, This is a familiar story, but you tell it well. I especially like the addition of his rodent companion. The story ends on a sad note but I sense there will be another night and more hope to come.
All my best,
Thanks for the read and I’m glad you think there’s still hope!
This is a good story that sadly is too close to truth. You did a great job with the prompt.
Glad you liked it 🙂
Living in the reflected light of others is always painful. You have to find your own light and let it shine! Well written and in a novel way.
Lovely summary! Thanks for the read 🙂
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