Not another soul (Friday Fictioneers)

Image

Image by Erin Leary at http://erinlearywrites.com

With each step closer to the river she peeled a layer of clothing from her body and dropped it to the ground. Her hunched shoulders relaxed; the tightness around her mouth released.

There was not another soul to be seen. Her naked legs stepped into the water. She scraped her fingers lightly across the surface and the gentle current wrapped around her middle.

She took in the deepest of breaths then let her body sink, leaving just her head above water.

It was so peaceful she could hear the swarm of flies already beginning to gather around his dead body.

***********

Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see:

http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/23-may-2014/

60 Comments

Filed under Friday Fictioneers

60 responses to “Not another soul (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. Virgina Woolf – first thing that came to me after reading your wonderful story. Loved it.

  2. Dear Jessie,

    I suppose one would need to unwind after committing a murder. Very stressful endeavor. Nicely written.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  3. Dear Jessie,

    I like that I am left with the unmistakeable feeling that his death was somehow justified. I could be wrong, but the feeling remains, courtesy of your fine writing.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  4. Haha…..got me there, in more ways than one..here was I, with a sensual image in my mind, then shock! Horror!

  5. I thought it was about her death.. nicely deceived..

  6. Oh so good! I feel her contentment. Well done.

  7. Well, that certainly took care of him! I got the strong impression he shouldn’t have messed with her. The swarm of flies gathering … gruesome, chilling and a sensational finish. Great writing.

    • Thanks so much for reading Di! She got her revenge in the end and now she can enjoy the rest of her days… provided those flies don’t attract too much attention from the neighbouring farms!

  8. Jessie, Well written with some points left to the imagination. I agree with Doug that she seems greatly relieved and feels that his death was justifiable. Good story. πŸ™‚ —Susan

  9. OK, I’m creeped out now. πŸ™‚
    Very descriptive and gets you in the story pronto. The metaphor of going into the water to “wash away the guilt” is a classic one. You used it well.

  10. This flowed nicely from what seemed like a suicide to murder (?) The thought of river water up to her neck made my skin pucker. Great job.

  11. It takes a lot to justify a death, but whether justified or not (and FF tend towards offing people!), I like your metaphor of washing away the guilt as Kent mentioned and also perhaps washing away evidence of the murder.

    janet

  12. Nice feel to this piece. As an aside I think the first sentence would be better without “…and dropped it the ground” – I think we can assume that’s what she does i.e. don’t think it’s worth the words to tell us.

    • Funny you should say that… I originally had it without that clarification then I decided to add it in. Funny how sometimes we should go with our first instincts. Thanks for the critique!

  13. MrBinks

    Grim. But you know… in a good way.

  14. Creative Brevity

    Whoa, that twist at the end!

  15. Very skillfully crafted, leading us to anticipate a suicide, and then revealing the gruesome truth!

  16. high five and raspberries

    Unexpected and chilling! ( she needs to dispose of him before he gets bloaty) πŸ™‚ Enjoyed!

  17. Wow! That was unexpected. Great build-up; I myself had almost unwound when you hit me in the solar plexus. Great writing.

  18. Pow! There it is. I was uneasy throughout… wondering if she was going to commit suicide. Then I relaxed, for just a second. Nice job, Jessie! πŸ˜‰

  19. Yoinks! There was I, enjoying a nice quiet peaceful scene… πŸ™‚

  20. You are such a bad girl…

  21. Great use of imagery. As some have already commented, a very sensual piece with a sting in the tail, so to speak.

  22. Yes, i thought Virginia Woolf too, but then the sinister ending changed all that. I wonder what he did to deserve that?!

  23. well, that surprised me. What a monster, in sheep’s clothing. Well done. Lucy

  24. Great story Jessie. I felt her relief at the end πŸ™‚

  25. Oh, creepy twist. Just my kind of story! Nice.

  26. Jessie,
    I found the first part of the story satisfying in itself. You added even more with the twist at the end. I agree with Doug that the murder seems somehow justified. There must be a deep back story here, but you skillfully tell just what is necessary to create depth of character in only a few words. Neatly woven.

    All my best,
    MG

  27. LOL Smashing ending there. Mood breaker you! πŸ˜‰ Tay.

  28. Michael Fishman

    Deliciously dark. I went from wanting to swim with this woman to wanting to be very far away from her! Very nice use of the 100 words.

  29. The ending of the story made me giggle maniacally. Thank you.

  30. Pingback: Why I didn’t tell you about this right away – White Ribbon Day 2014 | Jessie Ansons

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s