Why would you bother? (Friday Fictioneers)

‘Why would you bother?’

I knew they’d say that.

‘It takes half a day to reach the summit, you know?’

Yet here I am.

The breeze has turned cool and fresh. I smell the smoke of the recent eruption. I can taste the ash on my tongue. And I hear… nothing.

‘Why would you bother?’

Emphasis on the ‘you’.

I kneel down and pour out some water for Lola.

Just one more breath to savour the silence.

‘Come on, girl.’

I tug on her harness and she leads me, one step at a time, back down the path.

*********************

Friday Fictioneers is a challenge set by Rochelle Fields where writers around the world create 100 word stories inspired by the one image. For more information see: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/7-march-2014/

57 Comments

Filed under Friday Fictioneers

57 responses to “Why would you bother? (Friday Fictioneers)

  1. Dear Jessie,

    Pleasant and picturesque. Makes me want to be there with them.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • I didn’t catch her blindness the first time. Nice and subtle.

      • Thanks, I was worried I was being too subtle but now I’m starting to think that rewarding a second or third read with a deeper meaning might be just right.

      • We’re joined at the hip in that respect this week, Jessie. There’s nothing wrong with the way you wrote it and I’m glad I went back and caught the deeper meaning. You left all the right clues.
        I, too, have a subtle twist in my story that some are getting and some aren’t. 😉

  2. Well done Jessie, I did enjoy this. Dialogue is such a neat way to spend the one hundred words.

  3. A weathered moment, pursuing a dream, a self-belief, and conquering the destructive doubts of others. Very well described.

  4. Dee

    You paint a great picture here Jessie. I like the subtle way you tell the reader of the climber’s lack of sight. Well done
    Dee

  5. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: The Waiting Game | The Blurred Line

  6. Jessie, you did a great job of telling us the story without being overt. Good for her!

    janet

  7. Nice story. As a diehard mountain climber, I think I would still climb even I went blind. It’s more than just the scenery.

    • Glad to hear my point is realistic! I’m far from a diehard climber but I have had many enlightening moments at the top of mountains… something about getting to a place where you can’t get any higher, then taking it all in.

  8. Excellent story. The blindness is a nice touch.

  9. I also didn’t catch the blindness right away, and that made it that much more interesting, and worth several reads. The subtlety is amazing, and the interaction between her and those around her is very realistic. Wonderful work!

  10. I love the hints you drop, the senses you mention; none of them visual. A lovely tale of perseverance.

  11. Nicely understated story – well done.

  12. Diana Threlfo

    Yes … beautifully subtle as others have mentioned Jessie. I think the whole piece is a metaphor for ‘don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in my moccasins’ or however it goes. Well done.

  13. I had to read it twice to get the layers, Jessie. Not because the subtext wasn’t brilliantly handled, but because on the first reading I ignored the niggles I was feeling that something wasn’t quite gelling. Don’t you just love that ‘aahha’ moment when you work it out? Except after it can come that ‘stupid, how could I have missed that!’

  14. Good story and well done. I also had to go back and read it again to catch the clues to the blindness of your character but then wondered why I didn’t notice them the first time. I felt better I wasn’t the only one though.

  15. Well, I’m not ashamed to say that I went back a second time to pick up on the hints that were clearly there for more observant eyes than mine. (I’ll blame that on the lateness of the hour.) Seriously, your story was very well written and enjoyable the first time, and the second time, when enlightenment came, I appreciated it even more.

    Blessings,
    Cheryl

  16. I too am a second timer. Great story. Very subtle. And why not do it!

  17. Wonderful hints ‘The breeze has turned cool and fresh. I smell the smoke of the recent eruption. I can taste the ash on my tongue’. But I still did not pick it up. Had to read again. Nicely done.

  18. The subtleness with which you lead us to the story… really the best part is that emphasis on her.. it says a lot of the tension that exist..

  19. Maree Gallop

    Lovely story. Nice use of other senses to emphasis the lack of sight. Well done.

  20. The subtle imagery was terrific and all through dialogue, fitting. At the end I realized she was led by her dog ie blind. So i wanted a second read. Great..

  21. I’m slow today, Jessie, and it took me a moment and a sneak peak at the tags to finally get this one, but now I have it’s a gift. Your description is perfectly pitched and leaves the reader in no doubt at all about why he would bother.

  22. I didn’t catch the blindness at first either, I thought she was leading her horse! lol But, I felt the perfect peace at the end of the story. Powerful!

  23. Why woukld you bother? To “savour the silence” seems reason enough for me.

  24. Really enjoyed this! Subtle twist seems to be a recurring theme this week.

  25. Nice, nuanced story. I like how you focused on the other senses beyond sight. I re-read it to savor it. Well done!

  26. Particularly strong twist at the end of this. Nice.
    MG

  27. Sun

    you created an encouraging scene about not letting others hold back dreams we have for ourselves to accomplish. very nice.

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